How to Date an Ed Ch. 5

How to Date an Ed

Ch. 5

Sapphire Eyes widen at the sudden crowd that swarmed around Double D's seat. Three women have somehow crammed themselves onto Kevin's seat, two men have slammed their hands onto the table and are leaning over it, and Nathan Goldberg has occupied the seat next to the sockhead with a knowing smirk on his face. And that's all the young genius can make out amongst the masses.
Voices were chaotic and loud, overlapping each other in trying to be heard, causing Edd's ears to ring annoyingly. Patience slipping, he fumbles around in his back and pulls out a megaphone and noise cancelling headphones. He places the headphones on his head and turns on the amplifier. He watches as the crowd flinches simultaneously, covering their ears over the screech he knows the megaphone has created. He turns off the device and yanks the headphones down.
"Attention, please. One at a time. And as manners state, ladies first." He gestures towards the three generic cheerleaders. They ask in sync, "Is it true?!" He slowly blinks at them. "Clarification?" The females slowly blink at him. He sighs irritably. "Is what true?" The girls suddenly launch into conversation, "That you and Kevin had a one night stand some months ago, and you used some of his DNA to create a test tube baby and are using it as a bargaining chip to stake claim on him if he ever wants to see his child!"
The pale man's mouth drops slightly in shock. Which widens into a smile. Then a laugh escapes. And grows into guffaws. He falls to the floor, tears gathering in his eyes. He bangs a fist onto the tile, the other holding his ribs. His body shakes from the onslaught, he has never heard of something so preposterous!
"Aha, hehehe, that.... is ahahaha, rid-icul-ous! Gahahahaha!" he rolls onto his back, barely even registering the millions and millions of germs that have converged onto the tile floor. His laughter dies down slowly, as he gingerly raises himself, his hands instictively heading for the hand sanitizer in his bag. After applying a copius amount to every available piece of skin, he turns towards the girls. "Ahem, I'm sorry for such rude behavior, but that is not the case. Yes, Kevin and I are dating, but no, I did not blackmail him with some, ahehehehe, 'test tube baby,' as you put it. I simply asked."
While the girls either start pouting or making "aw" expressions at him, the men at the table weren't so easily swayed. "So, what you asked Kev and he said yes? To a nerdy faggot?" one of the larger males asks in disbelief. Ice blue eyes look into grey ones despondedly. "Yes, he did. I gave him the option of 'date me' or 'not date me.' He chose to say yes. I did not make him. And this 'nerdy faggot,' as you so put it, might be your boss one day. Or your killer. Honestly, my emotion range could very well turn me into  a phsychotic killer, and nobody would know. So I would suggest you hold your tongue, sir. Lest you wish to end up under a hydrangea bush."
Silence eminates from the table. Some of the males back off in surprise, and slight fear. Others close in, small glints in their eyes, Nathan included. "So then, Double D, have you and Kev done the do?" The remaining men, as well as the women, lean in. Edd feels a blush bloom on his face. "Heavens, no! Er, not that I wouldn't like to, seeing as I am dating him after all, but then again, we just started dating and I believe that, erm, slow is the way to go, and, er, I wouldn't want to pressure him into anything he wasn't comfortable with, and I, ugh...."
He grabs the end of his hat and pulls it over his bright red face. Him and Kevin?! Doing sexual intercourse?!? Oh, it would be vile, disgusting, FILTHY even~! Kevin would probably have him against the wall- the germs! Their clothes would be discarded on the stairs! Their saliva would intermingle in places that probably should never~! Urgh, WHY is the thought turning him on??!
"Knock it off, you guys. Making him blush is my thing." Double D peeks up from under his hat to see Kevin with a bag of fast food in hand. The crowd then descends on him, but he bats them off without blinking an eye. The redhead sits beside his boyfriend and pulls out some food. The man looks up at the crowd still lingering around their table. "I said get lost!" Edd blinks at the green-eyed male beside him as the mob of people dissipate in awe. "I must know how you do that."  Forest green meets ocean blue. Kevin shrugs. "I just show that they can't push me around." Small shoulders slump at the simple answer as the pale male watches his boyfriend eats his burrito.
"....You know, if you want a bite, you can just ask. You don't have to stare at me." A blush dusts  pale cheeks in embarassment. "No, thank you.  I just simply wonder at you." The slightly larger male looks at him. "About what?" Eddward glances down at the messy meal. "Well, how you can eat that, for one." Kevin looks down at his food. "What, you've never had a burrito before?" Double D scoffs. "Of course I have had one. I simply like them homemade." The athlete looks at him critically. The slighter male's heart starts skipping. Why is Kevin studying him?  "...You've never had Taco Bell." Blue eyes blink in surprise." Um, that's correct. To be perfectly honest, I haven't had any fast food products, aside from jawbreakers."


Kevin drops his burrito. Did he just hear that? The dork has never gone to McDonald's or Burger King or Arby's or anything?! He stares at his boyfriend in awe and slight pity. He knew the genius' parents were control freaks, but this? "Well, I know how we can entertain ourselves for the next two weeks." Blue eyes look at him expectingly. "Oh really? Let me guess: you will take me to a fast food restaurant and have me try it?" Green eyes blink in surprise. Was he that obvious? "Uh, well, yeah." A snort escapes the younger male. "It's a choice. I CHOSE not to have those fattening foods. Why would I suddenly decide to try them now? Because I'm dating you?" A stab of annoyance hits Kevin. "Oh, right, you're too high and mighty for such lowly food." A guilty look flashes onto his boyfriend's face. "...I apologize. I shouldn't judge something I myself haven't tried, right? Of course, statistics show-"
At this point, Kevin picks up the remainder of his burrito and shoves it into his companion's mouth. He smirks as those blue eyes widen in surprise and watches him bite down on the Tex-Mex food. He sees the nerd slowly chew, a look of bliss on his face. He fights back a chuckle. It's kind of funny to see the almighty dork be humbled. After the little nerd swallows and licks his lips clean of red sauce, he turns to him with awe and wander in his eyes.
"Kevin?"
"Yeah?"
"What was that delicious combination you haphazardly stuffed into my orafice?"
"If you're asking what you just ate, that was a Taco Bell burrito. I like mine with no onions, and extra cheese and red sauce. And by the look on your face, I'd say you liked it."
"...Perhaps I could be persuaded to try other fast food. Only by your recommendation, of course."
Kevin smirks. "Of course. Tomorrow we can get you the true Taco Bell experience. Today you have your homemade lunch. Wednesday we can hit the Wendy's across the street, and so on. Cool?" A small smile escapes the smaller male.
"Quite."

They quickly finish their lunches (Double D's was a cucumber sandwich with a wedge of cheese and an apple,) and Kevin took his hand and lead him towards the building he vaguely remembers as being the dork's next class. While his little boyfriend has history, he on the other hand has math, which is in another building, but at least they will be done for the day. Surprisingly, he is enjoying the smaller male's company. They haven't talked much, not having any idea what subjects they'd both enjoy, but the silence has never been awkward. And whenever Kevin does talk to him, it's mainly to tease the young genius and make the man blush. The athlete can't help it; it's so funny!
And temporary, a small voice in his head supplies. He frowns and shakes his head slightly, concentrating on the equation on the whiteboard. He can barely make heads or tails of it, but it's gotta be solved by Thursday (and no cheating, but honestly, he doesn't even know what formula you need to solve the damn thing,) so maybe he can ask his dorky boyfriend for help. He grimaces. Though that would mean breaking his first rule: not being seen in the cul-de-sac together.
Personally, he could give a rat's left nut what the other kids would think- except Nazz, Rolf and Eddy. Eddy only because he would rather avoid a confrontation. And dating the brains of the Eds- even pretending- would definately cause for dealing with the shortest. He doesn't want Nazz to know, 'cuz he was actually wanting to try dating her again after she came back from some university in California. And Rolf... well, he doesn't know how the foreigner would react. And if it was violent... yeah. He'd rather not.
Sighing in resignition, he gives up on the equation for now and packs up. He gives a nod to his teacher upon leaving the classroom, heading back towards Double Dork's class. He is stopped by an irritated Nathan. Kevin raises an eyebrow at the teal-colored male. "Sup, man?"
"What the hell, dude?! You reject my sexy ass and advances for years- years, man! And when I accept myself in being in the friend zone, and move on to cuter prey, you swoop in and snatch it from me?!" Kevin gives him an irritated glare.
"The hell you talking about?"
"Double Delicious! You told me you don't swing that way, yet HERE WE ARE, you tapping that sweet ass! Before the Ass King! How dare you, sirrah!"
"You're getting to that weird place again, dude." Kevin looks around to see if anyone could possibly be eavesdropping. "...look, dude, it's not what you think. I'm just..." the red head looks around, making sure they were alone.
"...Tell anyone and I swear I'll end you. But... me and Double D?" Nat nods, leaning closer, "Yes...?"
Kevin inhales slowly. He can trust Nat, right? Besides, the guy'll probably be barking up the dork's tree later, anyway.
"It ain't real. He's using me as a shield from the bullies, and I get a bike out of it."

The teal-haired's face quickly draws to a blank. Kevin tries not to grimace.
"...pretend."
"Yeah."
"Pretending. To be. Gay."
"...Yeah."
"...For a bike."
Kevin feels sweat start to run down his neck. Would Nat, an openly bisexual, be offended?
"That's.... HILARIOUS!"
And the idiot starts laughing his ass off. Kevin shouldn't have worried. Asshole. "Dude, dude, don't get me wrong, this is highly insulting. But trying to see you be gay is going to be funny as shit! How long are you two doing this?"
Kevin shrugs, "The dork said two weeks, so... yeah. After that, he's all yours." Nat frowns slightly at that. "But why didn't he come to me?" Kevin shrugs again. "I dunno. He just told me I fit the bill. And had the bribe at the ready. So, here I am."
Nat's grin is back in place. "Alright then. The King of Butts shall conquer Double Delicious- after your little charade."
Kevin nods. "Cool. Just remember to not tell anybody." And with that, he trots off.
Nathan's grin grows malicious, "Oh, don't worry. I won't tell anybody."